1. More Diet Pop. More cheese. More sex.
2. Vitamin fortified cigars.
3. Public Diet Pop fountains.
4. Kitty catapults.
5. All day happy hour at a lesbian Hooters.
6. Wet T-shirt Fridays.
7. To replace NFL linebackers with genetically bred velociraptors.
8. Rocket boots.
9. Machine gun camp.
10. NASA space shuttle races.
11. Sledgehammer boxing.
12. Girlfriend TiVO so you can pause, rewind and delete arguments.
13. Congressional pie fights.
14. Government research grants to build the perfect woman.
15. More Diet Pop. More cheese. More sex.
16. Tomahawk missile surf boards.
17. Hot tub jury boxes.
18. Nacho cheese lipstick.
19. Personal midget-ninja chauffeurs.
20. New TV shows: PBS's The BBQ Hour, Total Kung-Fu Live and America's Funniest Farts.
21. 24-hour, on call UN negotiator for when you stumble home late, drunk, with lipstick stains on your collar.
22. More Diet Pop. More cheese. More sex.
23. Condoms that whistle, whir and honk when used.
24. Inflatable sex dolls who cook.
25. Beef jerky business cards.
26. Combination briefcase/pizza oven.
27. National Make Out with Cheerleaders Day.
28. Art museums dedicated to framing copy-machine faxes of asses.
29. Robot gloves for crushing kegs of beer.
30. Karaoke "ejector" stages.
31. Opera glasses that broadcast ESPN.
32. The Astronaut Reserves.
33. Porn without all the "talking" filler.
34. Head banging elevated to "fine art."
35. All money spent on women, tax deductible.
36. Free BBQ buffet at the DMV.
37. Passports to Margaritaville.
38. The ability to telepathically force anyone to belch on the spot.
39. One "Get Out of the Doghouse" card.
40. More Diet Pop. More cheese. More sex.


Kudos to the original author....